HONESTY HOUR: ON RELEARNING SPANISH

Honesty hour is a monthly feature where I take a break from the happy stuff and get real about something in my life. This is a real as it gets. 

Growing up I felt like a fraud. I thought about calling this "On being passing" but I didn't want to bring skin color into this, because it comes down to I didn't feel Mexican enough to call myself Mexican even though I was born to a Mexican mother, because I didn't speak Spanish. I took a class in high school, I could cook the food, I knew the word sounds and sometimes when I closed my eyes I could hear mija. 

Maybe one day I will write a post "on growing up estranged from my mother" but for now, I'll close that door and move onto the open one. I knew Spanish. I knew it. I've been to Mexico, I am Mexican, but I wouldn't let myself be Mexican until I could speak Spanish. My mom didn't really speak Spanish in the house and even now she talks some about "losing your Spanish", and I want to talk about how I got mine back, or how I'm getting mine back.

It all started with being frustrated with my appearance, so maybe I will tap dance around that for a second, I am passing. I don't exactly "look Mexican" I "look something" though and growing up people would always guess, Asian, Native American, it was frustrating. I just wanted someone to see me without that label, so I pushed it away. My Mexican heritage is who I am though, I see that now, and to honor that, I am relearning Spanish.

I started the way all Millenials do anything, I downloaded an app! I had to be selective. I'm using DUOLINGO there are other apps but this is the only one that I have found that is teaching Latin American Spanish not Spain-Spoken Spanish, there is a difference. I use DUOLINGO every single day, still to this day, and I will continue to use it. I have completed all of the lessons but I want to keep it fresh in my mind so I practice every day. I've been using the app for over four months now.

Next, my loving supportive husband bought me the book PAINLESS SPANISH and I'm working my way through it, since I did DUOLINGO a lot of it I already know, but there is a lot of cultural knowledge in this book. It is a really good one. I've also started reading in Spanish, I bought the USBORNE FIRST THOUSAND WORDS IN SPANISH book that I reference every now and then, and it is just good practice to just go through and name them all when I'm bored. I've started buying children books in Spanish to read for 2 reasons, #1 they are easy to read, it is just like learning English, start small and #2 I can save them for when we have children because I will be teaching our children Spanish. I am moving past the baby picture book phase and more into children's chapter books now though, I don't really have a stockpile or anything.

To become fluent it takes being able to auditory know the words as well. So I'm watching children's movies that I've seen a thousand times in English (hello Mulan and Moana!) in Spanish. DUOLINGO also has a podcast. There are listening exercises on youtube that I use too. I wish I had a Spanish speaker that I knew and could speak with but I don't really have that.

I've also kind of been thinking about taking a college level Spanish class at our local community college. I'm really dedicated to this. I feel like it is a part of me, I need it. I do feel like the words are coming to me naturally. My main problem is sometimes it gets all jumbled in my mouth, but my mother says that is normal.

I hope to keep learning, to keep improving, and eventually get where I feel comfortable enough to say that I can speak Spanish again. I'm very comfortable with it.

Es mi cultura. Don't get me wrong, I know and celebrate my Mexican culture in many other ways, I'm just so happy to finally be filling in this missing piece. I'm also even connecting with my mother again, and that feels good too.