Surprise I guess? In a split second decision I jumped on a plane to California to see my friend and her two babies, I've written about them a few times and I was really nervous because I'm not a split second person, I'm a methodical planner, hello, OCD.

So imagine my panic, with only a week's notice to be in California, but the trip was so good for my soul. Being born and raised in sunny south Florida the Utah winters are SO hard on me, I really enjoy Utah for the most part, I don't really envision it as our forever home, but I especially dread the winter time. Being able to miss three of the coldest weeks of the year for the incredible warmth of California was already going to be great, but the time I spent with my friend really helped me re-evaulate my life.

Am I really happy? She asked me this question a lot, right now Marie Kondo is super trendy, and I guess I could add context that my friend is Japanese, and traditionally, in Japan, people only do things that bring them joy. She really helped me take some inventory of my life in terms of happiness, if I'm not happy, why? What can I do to fix these things, after all, I'm in control of my own happiness.

She helped change my relationship with food, and I want to do a giant post on this, but we spent a lot of the time taking turns cooking authentic Mexican food (me) and authentic Japanese food (her) for each other and it was incredible, I'm feeling so recharged to go home and cook a lot more of my childhood foods and a lot less prepackaged foods.

She also helped me feel better about my body, I've lost a lot of weight since I've seen her last but I haven't been really shopping, so I've just been wearing baggy clothes and feeling underdressed and messy and frumpy and she really helped boost my self esteem and steer me in the direction of finding some grown up clothes that aren't all black or from Victoria Secret. haha.

What do I want to do next? So I always keep my next move a secret, but I'm so thankful that she helped me get outside of my head to find the time to really decide, what is next for me? Just wait and see.

I just know that I'm landing in Salt Lake City tonight with a new perspective and feeling really refreshed. Also, so so so grateful. Gratitude upon gratitude for the people I've found to surround myself with. The trip didn't go exactly how I envisioned when I left but it definitely helped shine a light on the people who really are down for me the way they say they are.

MY HAIR CARE ROUTINE/ LONG HAIR TIPS

This is a something that I get asked a ton, some form of, "how do you get your hair to be so long!" While I'm not an expert and this is just what works for me, I thought I'd finally share a big post with all the details.

First, I just wanted to tell you what type of hair I have because what works for my hair type might not work for yours. I have thick, naturally straight hair. It naturally is a little coarse, so I usually have to keep some type of moisture in it. It isn't naturally silky smooth or anything like that. Onward...

MY HAIR CARE ROUTINE -


I only wash my hair twice a week (a third time if absolutely necessary, but not normally). Normally on Mondays and Fridays. For the past three years (the majority of the time I've been growing my hair) I've used THIS shampoo by TIGI, but it didn't keep my hair super clean and I had to wash three times a week. A few months ago I switched to THIS solid shampoo by LUSH and I absolutely LOVE it. My hair feels SO clean every time I use it. I only shampoo the surface of my scalp, making sure to lightly scrub all over my scalp.I never shampoo my ends. However, because it makes my hair feel so squeaky clean, while I'm still in the shower I take a small (probably quarter-sized) amount of THIS conditioner. I'd eventually like to find a natural conditioner, but I'm still using what I know works.

Next I turn the water off, apply that conditioner just to the very bottom of my hair, think what could become split or damaged in the future. While I'm working the conditioner into the ends, I start to detangle my hair and wring out all of the water in hair. I pull the strands of hair that have become loose from the wash during this time as well.

Now, it might sound weird, but I NEVER touch a towel to my hair, ever. To me, they can make your hair frizzy. I use that time that I'm detangling to get most of the water out and if there is still water in my hair I'll just wring it out over the tub or sink while I'm drying my body off. During the summer I shower in the morning and let my hair air dry all day, during the winter I shower before bed, about two hours before I go to sleep so that my hair has time to dry. I also don't put any heat of any kind on my hair, no blow dryer, no straightener, nothing.

I typically don't brush my hair again until it is dry, if it has big tangles still, I'll take a very small (dime size) amount of sweet almond oil and repeat the detangling process, (always steering clear of my scalp!). I don't like to force a brush through while it is wet because that can cause breakage.

Once a week I deep condition my hair with sweet almond oil.

To deep condition, I pour about half a cup of sweet almond oil in a glass bowl. I then heat it in five second intervals in the microwave until it is just warmed all the way through. (I try not to get it scalding hot but you do want it hot enough to open your hair follicle) I then dip the ends of my hair in the heated oil and let them set for a minute or two. I then pour the rest on my hair and brush the oil into my hair. I wrap my hair into a messy bun and let it set for at least an hour and then wash with shampoo to remove the excess oil.

This makes my hair silky and shiny. If you live in a climate that isn't desert like, you could probably do this once a month. When I lived elsewhere, that is how frequently I treated my hair with similar results.

For brushing/ styling:

I typically only brush my hair once a day, first thing in the morning. Usually I wear my hair down but I will occasionally braid it or put it in a ponytail. I don't really use styling products but I have been wanting to find a good hairspray for the days that I do braids.

I think that about covers my hair routine, so onto my tips for growing your hair long and strong.

TIP #1 - Stop using heat on your hair. - Heat can damage your hair and if your hair is damaged it will spread. That's why I regularly trim my hair (even I get split ends). If you're growing your hair I think there is a tendency to want to keep damaged hair because it adds length, but I promise, if you get rid of your damaged hair, your hair will look better and it will be able to grow better. Less heat equals less chance of damage. That's a fair trade to me.

TIP #2 - Replenish what your hair is missing. - After I moved to Utah I had some issues with my hair because I wasn't used to living somewhere without humidity. This caused my hair to dry out and get a little brittle. It also meant I was getting dead ends faster. If you are experiencing similar things maybe your hair just needs a little extra moisture. If you don't have the time for weekly hot oil treatments, there are deep conditioners and other products you can use. Alternatively, if your hair is greasy 24/7 maybe your shampoo isn't cleaning like it should or you have product build up and need to try a different shampoo. It might take trial and error, but once you find the winning recipe for your hair, it will grow like a weed.

TIP #3 - Have patience - There honestly isn't any miracle trick that will guarantee hair growth because every hair type is different. It takes time and you have to continue to maintain it. This is something I personally struggle with, hair care takes some effort, especially if your hair is high maintenance.  I stopped dying my hair to make it even easier to care for, but if you want to dye your hair, GO FOR IT! Just know your hair will need more TLC to keep it healthy.

That's all I have, again, I'm no expert. Most days I don't even feel like I have long hair. It is just there. I just started actually spending some time nourishing my hair (the almond oil!) and letting it get a little dirty (fewer washes), treating it a little nicer (no heat or dyes!) and it started getting long and strong. I hope you found something informative, I'm always here to answer questions if you have any!

RELAXATION V2

It is WINE NIGHT Y'all! I have my bottle of red wine and I'm so so so ready to pamper myself. Here's what I plan on doing for myself tonight.

#1 - I'm watching my WINE NIGHT SHOW - Currently it is Sabrina the teenage witch, all of the seasons are free to stream if you have prime. I'm almost finished and I'm looking forward to watching The Space Between Us next.

#2 - I'm doing a long deep soak with a bath bomb from lush - During which I'll listen to my favorite bath time playlist of all of my throwback songs.

#3 - I'm doing my brows and painting my toenails - I only paint my toenails and it is usually a couple of months between polish changes.

#4 - I'm taking the time to deep breathe - Things have been a little hectic and I've really needed just a deep breath so I'm going to devote some time to doing just that.

These are just a few of the ways you could be doing some self care this week. Take this as your reminder to put aside some time to take care of YOU!

CULTIVATING HAPPINESS

I know I've written a thousand posts on it but I don't really think I've barred my heart to the barrest part that I could barrest.

Someone thought my life was worth abusing. I survived domestic abuse. My ex beat me.

However you want to phrase it, it still scrapes me skin in a way that I can't form into words. It seems like I shouldn't been telling you this, like this is something that no one should know. Someone who said that they loved me also beat me with their fists. I can't even form an analogy. In the way that that old MORTAL KOMBAT games would play in the arcades except the person that put the coins in for person two (me) was too afraid to hit the joystick to ever strike back.

IT HAS TAKEN YEARS. Honestly, YEARS. Before I can even type this out and talking about it is still really, really hard. Someone beat me. When all I did was love them, and try to make them happy. Someone beat me in front of their children, and that is even more layers of trauma that I'm deeply embedded into.

I'm so into onto this like an ingrown toenail. I keep trying to dig it out, but it is just out of reach, healing is just out of reach. So how do I cultivate happiness when I'm in the trenches of POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER (PTSD). I've never really talked about my PTSD here because gosh, it is such a subject.

I try to find hope in every single day, I talked about that HERE in my Honesty Hour post. Beyond that I try to better myself. I am NOT the same person that was victimized three years ago.

I have become a certified scuba diver, I've gained 50 lbs, I've learned Spanish, I am different. I am NOT that same person that was beaten. I'm stronger. I'm different. I honestly don't know how healthy that is, but I try every day to be who I wish I was.

During that time, when I was cowering in fear, I wished I wished I was someone else and I'm trying really hard to be that person. I will be that person. I won't EVER let myself be victimized again.

I try not only to find hope and be better, but I try to choose happiness. I've become quite the plant goddess lately and as silly as that sounds, it gives me purpose and happiness to grow something. I'll try to do a post soon about all of my plant babies.

Something that also helps keep me happy is FUTURE PLANNING. Looking forward to what I will have, there was a time when I didn't see myself surviving the day or week, I knew he would kill me and it makes me so happy to plan for years ahead. A luxury I didn't have before.

I also find happiness in other survivors. It isn't hard to find survivors of domestic violence on the internet. While a lot of it still aches me to my core I try to be a beacon of hope to women to are in the throes of it. If they can get out, there is recovery.

Leaving is the hardest and most dangerous part, but once you do, everything feels trivial. YOU SURVIVED.

WHEN SOMEONE TRIED TO KILL YOU, YOU SURVIVED.

When he held a box cutter to your neck, you survived, you will get through today and the anxiety will go away, someday. You know what real fear is. YOU WILL SURVIVE.

THE MONTH OF SLOW: RELAXATION V1

Every Thursday I have my Thursday Wine Night, a night of self care. I spend this time refilling my own cup and recharging for the next week. Since it is Monday, take the steps to plan a wine night this week! Here are five ways I'm relaxing this week. 

1. WATCH A HAPPY SHOW - I have a specific tv show that I watch only on Wine Nights, right now it is Sabrina the Teenage Witch-- free with AMAZON PRIME. I've seen all of the episodes before so it is just a feel good show that is enjoyable. 

2. DO A FACE MASK/BEAUTY TREATMENT - I always pick one special beauty treatment to do on Wine Night, this week I am using a KBeauty face mask. 

3. HAVE A TREAT MEAL - Usually, since my husband has a game night with friends on this night I am on my own. I like to treat myself to GRUBHUB, almost always I have sushi. If I'm not ordering out I'll pick up something extra at the grocery store, if not as a meal as a dessert. 

4. CALL A FRIEND - I try to make the conscious effort to reach out to someone on Wine Night, if I don't call or face time with them, I'll text them or message them to let them know that I'm thinking about them. 

5. MEDITATE/ PREP FOR WEEK - I like to take ten minutes to meditate every day, but I always do a little extra meditation on Wine Night and then I immediately get up and prep at least one thing to get jump start on the next day or week. Never anything that takes super long but it does save me and extra second later if I commit to doing one thing to help future me now. 

I'll try to be better about sharing what I'm doing for Wine Night, I don't always drink wine, I just like that name, but I do ALWAYS take time for myself. Self care isn't selfish. 

ON FINDING MY VOICE [& NEW BLOG DESIGN]

I'll be honest, when I started writing here I didn't know what angle I was going to be passionate about. So I thought the way that I assume so many other people do, I'll do ~*EveRytHinG*~.

In life I honestly believe that you should experience as much as possible so that you know what you like. I want my blog to be a constantly growing place. I don't want to JUST be one thing. But at the same time I know that I can't truly do my best at everything.

I've taken these past few months to experiment and I'm excited to share what I'm going to keep. Lots of travel, scuba, lifestyle posts. A little less product placement, a lot more advocating for mental health and living your best life.

THAT is where my passion is. I hope to keep growing in those areas. I can't promise that I won't try expanding and growing in the future, but I'll always step back and evaluate what is working and what isn't.

Thanks for your understanding. I hope you take a moment today to evaluate something in your life, are you trying to do everything when maybe you should just do what you really love?

-- ALSO, please be patient while I try to iron out all of the kinks in the new blog design and the transfer from blogspot to url :)

SELF CARE

Honestly self care is such as buzz word right now. Everyone one is talking about it. #selfcare #loveurself. :) If you could see my face, I'm sure you'd know exactly how far back my eyes are rolling. I did make 2018 my year of SELF CARE. But it is so much more than a long bath with a glass of wine. It is that to, just in case you were doubting that bubble bath and wine, girl, you earned it!

SELF CARE to me, is making a conscious choice to take care of yourself every single day. I've adopted a mantra this year, " If it doesn't help me grow, it has to go." That might make me seem selfish and self serving, but if I'm not helping myself grow, who is? Ask yourself that. Who is helping you grow?

I'm not saying stop helping others because I believe in endless kindness and would never suggest that but I called it, 2018 is the year I'm cutting out toxic people, toxic behaviors, toxic actions! I deleted my Facebook. For a 20-something that is crazy. Every day it didn't make me happy, it didn't help me grow, it had to go. THAT IS SELF CARE!

I took that scuba diving class, it helped me grow and learn new skills. THAT IS SELF CARE. I unfollowed some people on Instagram who constantly belittled other people, that is toxic behavior. THAT IS SELF CARE.

I've also taken countless bubble baths and even instituted a wine night.  Thursday is my wine night. I do some type of pampering (face mask, paint my nails, do my eyebrows) while I deep condition my hair and watch a cheesy chick flick and occasionally I drink wine and order sushi. I still call it wine night on the nights I forget to buy a bottle of wine. THAT IS SELF CARE!

Everyone needs to make choices that better themselves. Man, woman, trans, you are the only you that you get! Self care is about caring about yourself. If that means that you meditate for five minutes every day before bed to clear your mind, THAT IS SELF CARE. Take care of yourselves.

It is so so so important. So today, do one thing that helps you grow, that nurtures your soul, that boosts your mood, that makes you smile. Do one thing for you.

THAT IS SELF CARE TOO!

GOAL SETTING

I'm a planner. I love to plan things out and usually over-analyze every last little thing. This makes me a goal setter to a fault. Sometimes I lose sight of enjoying of enjoying the now because I'm focused on reaching the next stage. My husband, Charlie is the opposite. He lives very much in the now and doesn't like to think to much other than eventually, someday, maybe. We balance each other out that way. He keeps me grounded in the now, I keep him focused on our goals.

I thought I'd share a little on how I help us plan for our big goals. A lot of people my age have trouble reaching the main goal because it seems GIANT. I know several girls that I went to high school with that dreamed about leaving our small town and it felt so impossible for them. NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE! I just want to shout it from the rooftops, y'all! There is nothing that can't be achieved. It just takes small steps. Let's apply this to anything in life.

Let's take a real life example of my husband changing jobs. This is a giant change. It isn't to a different company, it is in a different field, it requires a degree, it should be impossible because he is the main bread winner in our household. Right? Nope.

THE GOAL: CAREER CHANGE

STEP ONE: DECIDE ON NEW CAREER AND COMMIT
- This is the most important part. You need to be certain you are committed before you put in all the extra work or you'll just fizzle out the second it gets hard.

STEP TWO: FIND A WAY TO ATTAIN CREDENTIALS
- If you need a new degree for your new job like my husband does and you can't quit your full time job you'll have to get creative with your time to get them. My husband will be taking night school. I've done online college while working full time and I know people in the military take correspondence classes and CLEP exams to get their degrees.

- If it isn't a full degree but like a welding class, or a CNA class see if it is available on your days off. Sure you'll lose your free time for a few weeks/months but you have to keep the BIG GOAL in sight. It won't last forever.

STEP THREE: JOB HUNT
- Once you are qualified for your job the maybe not so easy part starts, finding an actual job. For my husband's new job we will have to relocate, which is why his new job is just a smaller step in our family's big goal. If you have to relocate, figure out a plan for that.

-Sometimes when you have to relocate, it means working MORE at the job you don't want, to save for moving and sometimes that isn't fun. I know I've said this before, but you have to keep the big goal in sight.

STEP FOUR: YOU MADE IT! 
-There you go! I know these are really watered down, but goals are so specific to each person. Sometimes each goal is broken down into separate goals. The days are long, but the years are short. If you're not happy, a change is worth it!

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The main thing that I try to remember when I set goals, is time. Yes, we have a five year plan, I do plan on writing it all up and sharing it here, just the gist of it because I like to to break each year down and each six months down and when those six months feel like nothing is moving, I'll break them down. What can I do in the next 30 days to move to closer to the next goal is a question that I'll ask myself.

Try not to lose sight of the now, I know sometimes I'm so busy planning for five years from now, I forget to enjoy the long weekends we spend together watching TV because we're saving money, or the stay at home board game dates. Enjoy those too.

You only get one life, you should enjoy it.